Temptation, no more
by tng2788
Summary: TEMPORARILY PUT ON HOLD!I WILL CONTINUE EVENTUALLY! HAVING TROUBLE WITH INTERNET AT MY HOME! ONLY ABLE TO GET ON AT MY MOM'S AND SHE DOESN"T HAVE MICROSOFT WORD! SORRY! I PROMISE, THIS STORY WILL BE FINISHED. JUST BE PATIENT WITH ME! THANKYOU!
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: Heyy! Soo, a few things.. This is going to be slighty out of character possibly and also the concept is going to be different than in the real show. We are not at Degrassi! Please don't hate me, I just want to try new things. I love reviews, so please after you read this, let me know what you think.. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, sadly. :( **

She couldn't move. Why couldn't she move? Because she never moves. She never tries to stand up for herself. She knows it will be done soon, but it will never be over. She will be scarred for life. If you didn't go to hell after suicide, she would have been dead a long time ago. She can't wait until she moves out of this place. One more year, she tells herself over and over again. One more year and she'll never come back to this ever again. She never liked her step-dad in the first place.

"Why don't you smile?" he asked her, after he had finished. She didn't answer. "Clare-bear, speak to me. It isn't bad, is it?"

"I try not to think about it."

"What do you think about when we make love Clare-bear?"

"How much I hate you."

"Oh, that's harsh, sweet little girl," he told her putting his pants back on.

Fully dressed she wouldn't dare turn her back. She knows she can't leave until dismissed.

"I'm not a little girl anymore, Tyler," she glared at him, killing him with those empty eyes. "And for the last time, my name is Clare. Not Clare-bear." She hated the nickname he had gave her.

"Clare, what we do is normal," he said, grabbing her hand and slightly looking away. She didn't pull from him; she didn't know how.

"Rape isn't normal," she told him, looking into his eyes with all the hate in the world.

"Don't be so mad at me. It is not my fault you are so young and beautiful. I simply can't stop myself. You are a temptation I must answer to."

"I'm a person, you jerk! I'm a person, not your simple temptation!" she screamed.

"Hush, don't be so loud," he scolded her loudly, dropping her hand.

"Why? So nobody hears how normal we are Tyler?" she hissed.

"You are dismissed!"

She left the room. Years ago she would be in tears, but now, her eyes are so dry it's next to impossible. She hated him more than anyone could know. He was her satan. That room was her hell. To think there could be something worse when you died was almost insane. She walked silently to her room where she would lie on her bed and wish she was someone else. She would lie on her bed and ask God why he gave her this. Why did he steal her life away from her? She never received an answer.

Clare heard her mother come in the front door. She heard Tyler greet her, and their muffled talking. How could he look at her after fucking her daughter? How could he kiss her after knowing he raped her child? How could she not see something was wrong? Because no one would tell her, show her, give her hints. She just thought Clare was a silent girl, very shy. Clare was a dead girl in a beautiful body. She couldn't explain that to her mom because she knew she would get beaten, maybe killed, and that her own mother wouldn't believe it.

Clare sat at her small desk in the corner of the room. She pulled out some papers from a school notebook and began working on her homework, for Mrs. Dawes English class.

The door swung open at nine o'clock that night. It was Tyler standing in the door. He had a confused look on his face when he saw she was still up doing homework. He walked across the room and sat on the corner of her desk. She didn't acknowledge he was there; she didn't even look up. He was nothing to her. He didn't deserve her attention.

"Your mother is back at the hospital," he whispered. "She was called back for an emergency. She should be out for a hour or two."

"That's nice, Tyler."

"You doing your homework, you good girl?" he taunted, grinning.

"No, getting ready for bed," she said dryly rolling her eyes.

"Ahhh, sarcasm. You know, that is the lowest form of wit?"

"Since when do you care about wit?"

"Since never, now get ready for bed," he instructed, taking off his shirt. She sat there. She kept answering the questions on the page, but not to him. "Come on, we don't have all night!"

She slipped off her rose color dress for the second time that day. She stood there naked, with teary eyes, waiting for his next instruction.

Stripping of his pants, he told her to lie on the bed. Legs spread, she stared at the ceiling, knowing he was now intruding on her own space, her own room. It would be no longer innocent in here. She couldn't wait until she could move away and live innocently again she was so sick of this same old routine.

He laid upon her and began his intrusion on her body. She had to turn her head to the side in disgust. She didn't want to see his eyes or smell his breath. It was bad enough she had to fell his skin. His heartbeat picked up as did his breathing and she was relieved to know it would be done soon.

**Sooo... What did you think? Was it an utter failure? :( Reviews make me happy! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Autor's Note: Chapter 2 is here! Eli finally shows up in this chapter, but not for long. Please don't hate, he will be in the story more starting chapter 3. Hope you guys like it. Please let me know what you thing. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. *sad face***

She packed up the last of her clothes into the last suitcase. She knew this was it. This was the day she'd been waiting for since she was twelve. She carried the suitcase out of the empty room and down the hall. She stopped in front of the master bedroom, said goodbye with a smile and left down the stairs.

Her mother and step-father were waiting outside by the taxi, helping the driver pack in her bags. Once the last suitcase was in, she hugged her mother goodbye. Clare looked into her mother's teary eyes for one last time. She knew that she would never see her again, but she couldn't tell her that. It wasn't her fault. Maybe, just maybe she would visit for Christmas, but never by herself.

"I'm going to miss you so much sweetheart," Helen told her. "You must come visit us! We will keep the furniture in your bedroom for any weekends you may want to stay."

"Thanks, Mom," she said quietly and gave her one last hug. She was devastated to have to leave her mother like that, but she still couldn't cry. She got into the taxi and waved goodbye to her mother as the car pulled out of the driveway. As they left the small neighborhood, she smiled her first real smile in a long time, knowing she was leaving hell forever.

Along the highway, rain started falling. God was washing all her problems away. Today was the beginning of her new life, a new day, her second chance. She couldn't wait to see her new apartment.

It was a small apartment in the middle of the city. It wasn't amazing, but it was decent. It wasn't amazing, but it was decent. The lights worked, the water ran hot and cold, the air conditioning wasn't loud at all. Her mother did a great job at finding an apartment.

Clare dropped her bags at the door and stood there in awe. Amazed that this was her new home. She would be safe here. Even though the only bedroom was extremely tiny, the kitchen was only big enough for one person and the sitting room was far from roomy, she was ecstatic. She couldn't wait to go and find furniture and make this place home, make this place comfortable.

For the first few nights she slept on a blow up mattress she brought with her. She didn't have a job yet, so she would have to use the money her mother gave her to get some furniture.

A couple weeks after she moved in, she had bought a complete chairs and a loveseat for the sitting room. Her home was becoming hers, innocent. No one to take that way from her now.

Clare started job searching a week before school started. She wanted to find somewhere close to Smithdale University, so she wouldn't have to walk too far. She decided her best bet was to find somewhere in the shopping center to work. She applied for jobs in a few clothes stores, a café, and Sears.

Walking around the mall, she had no idea how she was going to find her way around this place, nevertheless, around downtown. She didn't understand how these people could make their way around a place so big. It seemed impossible to her. She figured she might get used to it.

Deciding to spend some money on some new clothes for school, she went to get some new underwear. Her old under-things reminded her too much of her step-father; she felt dirty wearing them. Walking into a clothing department, she saw the pictures of the models in nearly nothing on the wall. She didn't understand why women would voluntarily let men see them half naked, especially men they didn't even know. She felt uncomfortable surrounded by these women, so she picked up a few things and left.

Next she bought some new clothes. Clothes that would cover her enough but not so much that others might see her as stuck up or too old fashioned. She watched young girls try on belly tops and super short skirts that showed they're butts. She felt sorry for them, not being able to understand that you don't need to show them everything for you to be beautiful. She wanted to tell them that beauty isn't skanky; she wanted to advise them to keep it to the imagination. They would have to figure that out on their own, she thought.

Taking her first steps into her first university class, Clare grew more nervous. There were many students seated already, so she found an empty seat in the back. She wasn't used to having the opportunity to meet new people, seeing as back home she wasn't allowed out of the house much because of her step-dad. She sat there, alone and awkward, waiting for the professor to begin. Looking at her watch, she realized there was still a few minutes to waste.

She sat there in silence, patiently waiting for their first lesson, when someone slid into the seat beside her. She looked over and saw a young man with dark messy hair wearing dark clothing. He looked up to meet her gaze with the most beautiful green eyes she had ever seen. Clare completely lost her breath, and herself into his green orbs.

"Hi," he said, nodding up at her, "I'm Eli."

"Hello," she grinned shyly at him.

He smiled at her and looked at the professor who had started to begin. She didn't pay much attention the first class. Her mind was stuck on the boy sitting next to her. She wanted to know what he thought of her, whether he was looking at her. There was a sudden rush of nervousness and excitement she wasn't used to.

You don't know this boy; he could be exactly like Tyler she told herself. She was afraid of her sudden need of this boys attention.

They did not talk after the class, or the next few following classes. Clare couldn't stop thinking about him though. She figured if he hadn't made an attempt to talk to her he was obviously not interested. He didn't what she had desperately imagined. There was nothing.

One night, after her first shift at Sears (where she had finally gotten a job), she had a sudden urge to write her mother. Telling her that she missed and loved her. Told her about her classes and her new job. She did not mention Eli, however, just incase Helen told Tyler.

That night, she lay in her beg, wondering why she felt the way she did. It made no sense. She hated the thought of sex or anything that had to do with it. She hated the thought of wanting something or someone this bad; it was exactly what Tyler did. She tortured herself with all the reasons why it was so wrong. Clare didn't have a good nights sleep that night.

**Don't forget, reviews make me happy. And don't be shy to suggest some ideas! Love yuns! :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Figured I would go ahead and get this chapter up for you guys. Hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: We all know that I don't own Degrassi? Right?**

"Hey, stranger," a deep voice came from behind her, startling her a bit. She turned around, meeting the gaze of the dark boy from class - Eli.

"Uh, hi Eli." she awkwardly said, moving up in the line.

"You remembered my name. Now, if only I knew yours."

She watched him smirk at her and she smiled in return.

"I didn't tell you? Clare." She took another step in line, followed by Eli.

He was close to her, close enough to feel heat radiating off his body. Close enough to smell his husky cologne.

"Clare." he stuffed his hands in his dark skinny jeans.. "That's a pretty name."

She couldn't help but smile, "Thank you."

"Anytime."

The girl behind the counter asked Clare what she would like. She ordered two small hot chocolates.

"Why do you need two?" he raised his eyebrows and questioned her.

"One for you," she answered and offered him the cup.

He took it from her hand, "I could have bought it myself, you know."

"Too late," she smiled and started to walk out the door.

"Can I walk with you?"

She knew she shouldn't get close to him, but she just couldn't fight the urge to get to know him. Walking together isn't anything, it's just walking she told herself. She was afraid of letting herself get close to people. Especially men.

She sneaked a glance at him and surprised herself by saying "Yeah, if you want."

She took the lead and he followed closely behind. They were silent at first until he finally broke the ice.

"So, where are you from?"

"A small town about a hour and a half away from here." She smiled thinking about her home. "You?"

"Toronto."

"Really? I've never been there."

"Are you serious? Maybe I can take you up to the CN Tower sometime."

"Maybe." she said, a bit embarrassed but she didn't know why.

"So, you've been here then, right?" he asked. "Before you moved for school."

"Nope, never."

"Why?" he questioned looking at her from the corner of his eye.

"Guess I just never got around to it," she said uncomfortably and folded her arms around her body.

"Alright" he said, not wanting to push her, but not totally convinced. She was hiding things, he knew.

She grew even more uncomfortable and changed the subject.

Eli walked back to his dorm alone, still holding the small hot chocolate cup from his and Clare's long walk. He couldn't get that look out of his mind. There was something in her eyes, in her voice that suggested fear. He told himself that whatever it was, it wasn't any of his business; he should just forget about It. He couldn't just forget about her, though. Clare was a mystery to him. He couldn't sense that she wasn't who she really was around him, that she was hiding herself from him.

Eli had never met a girl like her before. She didn't talk to anybody before or after class, she was never at any of the parties or clubs. She was this quiet girl who didn't seem to want anything to do with the rest of the world, which just made him want her more.

He walked past a group of girls on the way to his room, they all smiled and waved at him. He loved the attention. Eli was your average good-looking, party-going, one-night standing college guy. Except that he dressed differently, on purpose. He wasn't the type to wear the polo shirts. If no one liked him the way he was, he couldn't care less.

To him, it was like Clare was afraid to show her outgoing side, if she even had one. She was just too intense. He could only look at her for a certain amount of time before those eyes would torture him. He wanted to know what was behind them, what made them so sad yet beautiful. He couldn't get his mind off of her.

He walked into his room and discovered his roommate going at it with one of the girls in his English class. Trying to ignore them, he sat on his bed and pulled out his headphones and notebook. Reading over his last few entries, he noticed he had failed to mention the beautiful girl even though he always wrote about every girl he met. That was pretty must what his journal was. He wrote:

_Saw Clare at Second Cup today. She's a beautiful girl. I remember the first time I saw her. I thought she would be a good girl to get in the bed with, you know? I mean, it's not that I don't think that anymore, but she's so intense looking with those ocean blue eyes and cinnamon colored curls. I've never met a girl like her. I want to be her fried, but she's so shy. She can hardly even look me in the eyes, and when she does I'm intimidated. I've never been intimidated by a girl before; I've always been in charge. It's like she's so fragile, yet so strong. And her eyes, they're so beautiful but so sad. It's like she lived through war or something, she's got solider eyes. I guess she's the beautiful solider girl._

After tossing the notebook back under the bed, and tossing his Ipod back onto his desk he grabbed his jacket to go back out for a walk. Maybe he would bump into some friends and go to a bar or something. He needed that. He walked across the park to his best friends apartment building when he saw Clare sitting on a bench staring at the at the moon. He stood there, looking between her and the moon. He didn't understand what was so fascinating about it.

He stood there watching her and could of swore that her cheeks for shiny from tears. He knew it was none of his business and that he should just leave her alone but he couldn't.

**I'll love you forever and ever if you review. :) Do you love it? Hate it? I'll have the next chapter up by the end of the week.. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: Thanks to those that are reading. Means alot to me. And for those that had sent me PM's about Eli. I do realize that he's a bit out of character. But, it's a fan fiction, I can make him out of character. :) **

**Disclaimer: I own way to many purses, but not Degrassi. **

"Beautiful, isn't it? He asked, startling her.

"Oh, yeah, it is," she said, looking down at her feet and wiping away the few tears on her cheek.

"What are you doing out here alone?" he asked her, walking over to her bench.

"What are you doing out here alone?"

"Walking over to my buddies apartment, actually," he said, sitting down beside her. He stared at her until she met his gaze. He needed to see those eyes.

"Oh," she said, looking back at the moon.

"So, what's so fascinating about the moon?"

"It's perfect," she told him, as if she were jealous. "It's got this cycle it goes through all the time. Nothing spontaneous, nothing uncalled for, nothing to throw it off course. It's beautiful and stays beautiful all the time. The moon lives forever in peace and no one has the power to take that away from it."

"Wow," was all Eli could whisper. She was so beyond him, so interesting. She was so much more than a beautiful body.

"Yeah," she looked embarrassed, "sorry, I've just been thinking about it too much. I guess."

"So, why do you admire it so much?" he asked, "You're not much different."

"How so?" she smiled.

"I mean, as far as I can tell you yourself aren't very spontaneous. You go to school every morning, leave every afternoon and aren't around much after that. You're never at clubs or parties. You never hand in an assignment late, so you're obviously not thrown off course. You're beautiful and are every time I see you," he stopped to watch her, and then continued when she shyly grinned at him, "I don't know about living forever, but you seem pretty peaceful to me and who is there to take that away from you?"

"You don't know me enough to be able to justify all of that."

"Well, I'd like to get to know you." he said, moving closer to her.

"I'm not a one night stand girl, Eli," she told him softly, but hard enough for him to be afraid, "I'm not your type."

"How do you know what my type is?" he asked smugly. He was kind of curious to find out what exactly she thought of him.

"You're an average college guy…with a twist. You're good looking and use it to your advantage. You don't care what anyone thinks of you do what you want, when you want to. When was the last time you slept with a girl you knew really well?"

"Okay, but that doesn't mean those bimbo girls are my type," he said. "I've never gone out with them so they obviously aren't the kind of people I'm emotionally attracted to. I just want to get to know you as a friend."

"Friend?" she looked at him hopeful. She could use a friend.

"Sure," he assured her, "nothing more."

"Sounds fine." she nodded.

"So, coffee tomorrow, friend?" he looked at her from the corner of his eye.

"I suppose."

As a friend. He guessed he could use a girl friend. He didn't really have any. He knew girls, he hung out with girls, but none of them knew him enough to be considered a friend. Most of them he had gone to bed with before even knowing their names.

_"When was the last time you slept with a girl you knew really well?"_ she asked him. The disgust in her voice was unbearable. He couldn't get it out of his head. She hit home with that one. It was true though, the last time he slept with a girl he knew really well was, way back in the second year of high school, almost four years ago.

He remembered that girl, Julia. He loved her so much. She was his first and then she broke his heart. She was so beautiful. Brown eyes and dark hair, with a super star body. She was different just like her. She said what she was thinking and was funny. She was there when his father died. She was there when he seriously injured his knee in a car accident. She was there when he need somewhere to stay when his mother drank too much. Then one night she wasn't there, she was with a senior who lived down his street. Eli was taking his dog for a walk when he saw them kissing on the guys front porch. He could have died.

He hadn't dated anyone seriously since then, just fooled around with girls. His friends thought he was amazing for getting so much action from any random girl. But really, he was afraid of girls. He didn't like the thought of flling in love. It's giving yourself to someone and trusting them not to make your life hell. Love never did anything good for his family, anyway. The man his mother loved and married died, so she became an alcoholic. He loved his father but he died. He loved his girlfriend and she didn't care about his feelings. In the end, love sucked.

That girl, though, she was so different. Clare looked at him a different way. She didn't act like she wanted anything from him. She didn't seem to need him. She was so much different. He looked at her and saw an innocently silent girl. He saw something else but couldn't figure out what it was. She was missing something.

He couldn't sleep well that night since he kept going over what she had said to him earlier that evening. _"Nothing spontaneous, nothing uncalled for, nothing to throw it off course. It's beautiful and stays beautiful all the time. The moon lives forever in peace and no one has the power to take that away from it."_ Eli couldn't think of anything different between herself and what she had said. Then again, she was right, he didn't know her. Didn't know her at all.

**Author's note: Who else is extremely sad that there's no more Degrassi until February 2011? What am I going to do on Fridays? Ughh.. Anywho, if you like it review! :) Much love... **


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: How are yuns? Well... I finally had sometime to update. This week has been hectic. We had 3 Thanksgiving dinners this week, needless to say, I'm sick of turkey! lol. Also, my baby boy is cutting teeth so he's grouchy and is very clingy. Sheww, hope you enjoy this chapter! :) **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

"Hello," she said to him, walking towards the bench he was sitting on. He lifted his head from his comic book to see who it was, and she saw those emerald eyes again. She wished that she could look at them forever without feeling uncomfortable. They looked so strong, so untouched.

"How are you Blue Eyes?" he asked, getting off the bench to stand with her.

She smiled at the nickname he gave her, "I'm fine, you?"

"Just fine."

They looked at each other, not saying a word.

"The leaves are a beautiful orange and red now," she said, breaking the silence.

"I know."

"So, where do you want to go for coffee?" she asked him, changing the subject.

"How about Second Cup again? They did a pretty good job last time," he told her.

"Sounds good," she said, digging her hands into her jean pockets to protect them from the cold.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did," she joked.

He laughed, and she noticed that his eyes laughed too. "Well, true, but I have another one."

"Alright," she agreed, a bit nervous to what it might be.

"What do you envy so much about the moon?"

She felt extremely uncomfortable. He put her in a position she didn't want to be in. If she answered honestly, it would lead to more questions. Personal questions that she wanted to leave back at home with her step-father. "Just because I think it's amazing doesn't mean I envy it."

"But you do, I can tell," he said, desperately seeking an answer.

"But I don't," she said, looking him in the eyes with her most convincing look. She could tell he didn't believe her, but he didn't say anything more of it.

Ten o'clock, Clare returned to her apartment alone. Her and Eli had spent the entire evening together, on cup of coffee after another. She felt chills every time she thought about him. She knew she felt something for him, but she told herself she wasn't allowed. It wasn't possible; she hadn't know this guy for more than two weeks. Despite that belief, she could not keep him off her mind. This is wrong, she kept repeating to herself. She came here to get away from people need love and having sexual affairs. That is not what she wants. That is not what she wants. That is the last thing she wants to go back to. Clare kept recalling scenes from the café. The way he laughed at the fact that she ripped little pieces off her donut and ate them, instead of just biting into it. The way he looked into her eyes like he knew she was lying when she told him that she missed back home. The way he drank his coffee more like gulping than sipping. The way he cracked his knuckles every time it went silent or when she looked him in the eye. He was haunting her in the most pleasant way.

She slipped into some simple pajamas and lay in bed for hours and hours picturing his face. He was becoming like an obsession, something she could not stop thinking about. He just made her feel so… normal. She was a normal college student when she was with him. She was finally just a normal girl. She could laugh, talk, and flirt all she wanted without having Tyler in the back of her mind. She forgot who she was, where she came from when she was with him. It was like the real her, the girl who has never come out before, was finally free. It was amazing.

_Tonight was amazing. That girl, she is just so… so something. Amazing, magnificent, unbelievable, beautiful… they just aren't good enough to describe her. I think she opened up tonight at the café; I could tell. For the first time she actually laughed at something I said. I don't mean just giggle or smile. I mean her eyes laughed with her. Tonight I found out that those dark blue eyes held happiness as well as something mysteriously sad. She was the strangest habits. She tears pieces of her food and eats them, not just bites like a normal person. It makes her look nervous or shy. It's like she doesn't want anyone knowing she's there. Even though I feel so comfortable with her company, I still can't look her in the eye for that long. They are just too deep! I'm so interested in them but then I can't stand not knowing what's behind them. It's so beyond me. She's so beyond me._

Eli put down his notebook. His roommate was out for the night, so he was in his dorm room alone. What was he supposed to do? He wanted to go see Clare, he wanted to be back at that café, but he knew that if he did go and see her she would think he was desperate or something.

He supposed he could wait until the next morning to see her in class, yet he was afraid it would be awkward between them. Maybe she wouldn't be as open and friendly to him as she had that night. Maybe the slight big of interest she might have showed will have completely disappeared. Maybe she would pretend the café never happened and not talk to him. He could not stop worrying. What if he had said something wrong? What if she thought about him tonight and decided he wasn't good enough?

Even though he hadn't known Clare for a very long time, he knew he was starting to feel a lot more than friendship for her. He tried so hard to tell himself he wasn't allowed. It wasn't alright. She could tear him apart if he fell in love with her. But no matter how hard he tried, he could not stop worrying about whether she was feeling the same way. He would be devastated if she wasn't.

**Author's Note: What did you think? Please review? Pretty please. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: I know! I know! It's been to long since I updated. Blah, I'm sorry? **

**Disclaimer: I own a Xbox 360, but I do not own Degrassi.**

He walked into the class the next morning to see that she hadn't showed up yet. It was the first time he'd ever been there before her. Eli checked his watch to see if he was more early than usual, but he wasn't. Even though class wouldn't start for the next few minutes, he grew worried when he reached his usual seat at the back and she still hadn't showed. Maybe she's trying to avoid me, he though, and his stomach felt like it had turned into a raisin, small and dry. He took out his books and sat there nervously waiting for her. Eli looked at his watch about every half minute to see how late she was. When class started, he couldn't concentrate because he was afraid she had hated him now, or worse, that something had happened to her.

He knew he was over-thinking but he wasn't used to this. This sudden care for someone hadn't happened since high school. He forgot how to handle it, or if he even knew how back then. He spent that whole class staring at the door and wondering where she was. It was like he was obsessed with her suddenly, though he tried, he couldn't stop thinking about her.

As soon as class was over, he about ran to her apartment. He buzzed her about three times before she finally answered. "Yes?"

"Hi," she said, catching his breath, "It's me, Eli."

"Oh," she answered, sounding caught off guard, "uh… come on up. I think I have a cold, just so you know."

"Alright."

When he reached her apartment door, it took him a few minutes to gather himself before he knocked. She opened the door dressed in purple and white plaid pajama pants and a plain white t-shirt, with fuzzy socks. Her eyes and nose were as red from her cold as his cheeks were from seeing her in her night clothes.

"Come on in," she invited, leading him in. He followed her into the extremely small but neat apartment. She offered him to sit down and for her to pour him some tea. Eli politely declined, but she insisted on getting it anyway.

He sat there quietly observing the room while she poured him a drink. He noticed that there were no personal pictures anywhere. None of her family, friends, nothing. It was almost like she came from nowhere… or wanted to forget about wherever it was. He felt slight shivers down his spine when he realized the room reminded him of a hotel.

"So," she said, coming back into the room, "not to be rude or anything, but why are you here?"

"On," he said, accepting the cup of tea," I just wanted to make sure you were okay and stuff. You know, since you weren't in class today."

Clare looked like she was surprised to hear this, "Oh, really? Well, I woke up with a cold, that's all. Nothing serious."

"Well, it was obviously serious enough for you to miss class and all."

"Yeah," she said sniffling and looking convinced. "But you were really that worried to come over here?"

"Well, yeah," he shrugged. "Since you are my friend."

"Well, thank you," she said and sat beside him with her own cup of tea in her hand.

"Anytime," he offered. "So, did you have fun last night?"

"At the café?" she asked, wondering why he had asked the question.

"Yep, at the café."

"Yeah, it was nice."

"I thought so too," he said, noticing his plan to start a conversation had failed. "So, I guess you're too sick to go for coffee tonight then?"

"Well, unless some miracle happens, I don't think it would be smart."

"Oh, yeah, you're right," he said. "Well, I better go. I'll see you later."

"Yeah, see you." she said looking a bit disappointed.

As Eli walked back to his apartment, he wondered when later would be. He walked across the park where he had seen her staring at the moon, and it occurred to him that she had never actually admitted to being jealous of it, never actually told him what she was jealous of. Even though it had only been a few days, he had completely forgot about it.

He walked into the cafeteria at the university and bought some hot chicken noodle soup. The next thing he knew he was back at Clare's apartment asking to come back up. He climbed the stairs and walked down the dirty narrow hall to her door. Instead of knocking this time, he just opened it. She was sitting on her couch when she saw that he had come in without knocking.

Without saying a word he placed the soup in front of her and plumped beside her to see her reaction. She looked at him with those beautiful eyes in astonishment. When he saw that look it had occurred to him everything he had just gone. It wasn't like he had murdered someone, or anything extreme, but the fact that he had done this small favor without even thinking it through was pretty weird to him. Eli never really did anything like that before.

"Is this really for me?" she asked, after a moment of just staring at him in awe.

"Uh, yeah," he said, unsure of what he was supposed to say now, " I thought you might need something hot, you know, since you are sick and all. I just thought maybe, you know, it would cheer you up and so I just saw this soup and thought that maybe…"

Then she hugged him. For a moment, he just sat there amazed at this sudden action, but then he hugged her back. He didn't realize something, so small would mean so much to her, or even earn him a hug from the most shy, distant, least - touchy girl he had ever met. The hug made him feel special somehow, like he had just saved her life.

"That's the nicest thing someone's done for me," she said quietly into his ear. "Thank you so much."

"Anytime," he said. "Now, you better eat your soup before it gets cold."

She pulled away and sat there quietly eating her soup like it was the last thing she'll ever taste. He watched her the whole time. Eli wanted her back in his arms. He felt like he could have held her forever. He knew this was wrong, since he had really only know this girl for just a few merely a week.

"Is it good?" he asked.

"Best soup I've had in a long time," she told him.

"Pleasure to be of service," he said in his best British accent. She laughed her real laugh. The one that made him laugh with her, that made his insides freeze with warmth.

"I'm sorry if I surprised you with the hug," she said, finishing off her soup. "I couldn't help it. It was honestly the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."

He smiled and said jokingly, "You must have had a pretty hard home life if a bowl of soup is the nicest thing that ever happened to you."

He knew, as soon as he said that, that it was a huge mistake. He saw the fear and the hurt flood over the laughter in her eyes. She looked away from him at the empty bowl of soup.

"I'm sorry," he said in a shaking voice, and put his arm around her shoulder, only to be shrugged away. "I didn't think. I didn't know."

"No, you didn't." She looked at him with sharp angry eyes. "Thanks for the soup, but I' going to go take a nap now." With that, she got up from the couch and went to her bedroom.

He knew that was his cue to leave, but he didn't. He felt so bad about what he said, he didn't mean to hurt her. He really didn't. Couldn't she see that?

He sat there feeling bad and wondering why he cared so much. How could he care about a girl he hardly knew anything about? How was this humanly possible? He could not figure it out for the life of him.

Eli started hearing quiet sobs from behind the door. He sat there, growing more and more angry with himself, deciding whether to go comfort her or just leave. He didn't know which would get him on her good side again.

He walked toward the bedroom door. He stood there for a long time before motivating himself to know. At first he didn't hear any sound of movement, just quiet sniffles. Then he heard the creek of the bed and footsteps coming towards the door.

"I thought you left," she said when she opened the door a crack.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," he apologized. "I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry Clare."

"You have no idea," was all she said to him before starting to close the door again.

"Well, maybe you could tell me," he offered. She looked at him, seeming almost like she was going to, but then she turned away and closed the door. Feeling as if there was nothing else he could do. Eli left.

He didn't attend any more classes that day, nor could he sleep that night. The thought of her being hurt, especially because of him, wouldn't let him be in peace.

**Author's Note: Reviews? **


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Blahh. Hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. **

Class the next Monday was normal, Eli hadn't showed up yet. She told herself she didn't care, but she knew that she was being to hard on him. Over the weekend she though about what he had said on Friday. It had made her upset, but mostly because she was afraid that he knew that she had a weakness, that she wasn't this perfect, normal girl that she thought he thought she was. She loved knowing that in his eyes she was flawless.

When he said what he said, it came as such a shock to her that she couldn't speak. She didn't really know why. She hid in her room and cried. Normally Clare wouldn't cry; normally she would come up with something witty to say back. It was almost as if Eli was starting to change her.

"Hi," she heard him say from behind her, and even though she was lost in her thoughts she knew who it was.

"Hello," she responded, without looking up at him. She knew she was overreacting, but for some reason she could not help it. He knew she had secrets now.

"I got you something," he whispered, sounding sad and discouraged since she wouldn't look at him.

"Oh, really?" she asked dryly, still keeping her eyes on her desk. The next think she knew, she had a small hot chocolate and a single red rose in front of her face.

"I'm beyond sorry about what happened on Friday. It was a really stupid thing of me to say, and I just want you to know it will never happen again. I still want to be friends with you. Please forgive me?" he said all in one breath, like the words were all racing to get out of his mouth.

She looked up at him, surprised that he cared about her that much. She knew he must have when he brought her that soup. She wanted to hug him so bad again, to be in his arms. So, to her surprise, she did.

"So you forgive me?" he asked quietly into her ear.

"Of course," she said, pulling away.

"That was the best thing a girls ever given to me," he whispered, looking into her eyes.

"What?" she asked surprised. "That hug?"

"Yep," he told her.

"But haven't so many girls, like, you know, given you a lot more?" she asked, embarrassed by the question. It didn't make sense though. How could a hug from her beat sex from a much prettier, more outgoing girl?

"Sure, but it's never meant anything before," he said, blushing.

She didn't get to respond, because class had started. She could pay attention this class… Well, for the most part. She kept looking at Eli out of the corner of her eye. She meant something to him. Just the thought made her feel so amazing.

"Do you want to go for coffee?" he asked, when class had ended.

"Yeah, I would like that," she said, looking into his beautiful eyes.

"Well, I was thinking I could show you my dorm. We could make coffee up there, if you want?"

She was surprised he asked her this. She knew she would give anything to fell his lips, but she didn't want to rush into it. He was askin for something from her she wasn't ready to give yet.

"Well, I don't know," she said, feeling uncomfortable. "I thought we were just supposed to be friends?"

His eyes widened from surprise, "Clare, geez. I wasn't thinking of that. I thought we agreed on the just friends thing. I mean, unless you change your mind. But I don't mean I want you to change your mind just for that reason. I just.."

"Okay, okay." she laughed, cutting him off, "don't hurt yourself. I'll come up for a cup of coffee."

"Okay." he said, laughing at his nervousness. "Sorry, I can be a dork sometimes."

"It's fine."

When they reached his dorm, both in full conversation, his roommate was just leaving. "Man," his roommate said walking past them, "I thought you'd never bring a girl up here."

When they got into the dorm, Clare asked in surprise, "You mean you haven't brought a girl up here yet?"

"Uh, no, I haven't." he said, looking like he had just realized it himself.

"But, I thought that what you did." she asked, looking beyond confused.

"What? Bring girls up here every night?" he asked her, looking a bit offended.

"Well, yeah."

"I guess I haven't since," he said, stopping to think why he hasn't. "Well, I guess it was since I met you."

She blushed and went so red it felt like her face was going to melt off. "Wow, I had no idea." She was so surprised that he hadn't done the one thing he was best known for just because he had met her.

Clare sat down on his bed while he made some coffee. She looked around the small dorm, and noticed there were pictures of him with his friends, him with his family on his bed side table and desk. She noticed one picture in particular, though. He was standing outside with his arm around a very attractive blond. She felt her heart sink when she realized it was probably his girlfriend. A girlfriend he never even mentioned to her. Of course, she had never asked and they weren't exactly romantically involved anyway.

"Is this," she asked, her voice a bit shaky, "your girlfriend?"

"Who? Her?" he laughed, coming back to the bed with their coffees, " No, no, she's my sister."

Clare thanked God in her head, since she didn't know how she could handle him being in love with someone else. She accepted her coffee from him as he sat down beside her.

They sipped in silence for a while.

"I'll understand if you don't want to answer this question yet," he said, looking into her eyes, "but what was so bad about your home? What happened that hurt you so much that you don't even have pictures of your family in your apartment?"

She wanted to tell hi so bad. She had needed to tell someone for such a long, long time. She couldn't thought. She wasn't ready yet. How could she be sure that he wouldn't laugh or not ttake her seriously? She had only really known him for nearly two weeks.

"I'm sorry," he said, after a moment. "I shouldn't of asked. Forget that I ever did, Okay?"

"Okay," was all she could manage to get out. He put his arm around her and this time she didn't shrug away.

The rest of that morning was awkward for Eli. They hadn't had a very good conservation, but he couldn't get the feeling of her leaning against him, almost as if she needed him. Almost as if he had finally earned her to be close to him. He sat on his bed for what seemed like forever, just thinking about her.

Then his cell phone rang, he picked it up off the bed side table, "Hello?"

"Hi, is this Eli?" a female voice asked, he knew recognized it but didn't know from where.

"Yes. Who's this?"

"Hi. It's Julia. From high school."

Eli went speechless. Why was she calling after three years of not speaking to him? What was this all about?

"Yeah, I remember, what do you want?" he asked, not caring if he sounded rude.

"Look, can I meet you somewhere? We need to talk."

This was all happening so first, he didn't know what to say, "Um, yeah, where?"

"How about in the park by your dorm?"

"How do you know where that is?"

"My best friend's boyfriend lives with you, she recognized you from some of my pictures. Can you meet me there in five minutes?"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever." he said, then hung up. Why did she call? Right when he was falling in love with another girl? He felt his old feelings of love and hate come back, making him so confused about what was going on.

He saw her. Julia looked the same from high school, just a few years older. He remembered what it was like feeling her body close to his. And what it was like to have her body beneath of his. He told himself to stop, but why couldn't he?

"What's this all about?" he asked her, forgetting about what they used to be.

"I'm really sorry about what I did to you three years ago. I still feel so bad about it. I want to make it up to you. I really do."

"But why? That was such a long time ago. I'm over it." he told her.

"But, I'm not, Eli. You were so good to me. You were the best boyfriend I had ever had. I miss you so much," she admitted. "I think I still love you."

"Is this some kind of joke?" he asked, laughing nervously. What was happening? "You don't know me anymore, Julia."

"You couldn't of changed that much," she told him.

"I don't get this! You cheated on me then acted like you didn't even know me for the rest of high school. What am I supposed to say to you now? That I think you're such a wonderful girl and I want to get back together with you?" he practically yelled at her. He didn't know where those words were coming from, probably from a sixteen year old Eli. He was so mad that she had come. He had finally found this other wonderful girl, and she comes back and thinks she can just change all that. He didn't think so. Then Julia pulled him closer and kissed him. Without even realizing it, he kissed her back. As soon as he realized it, he pulled away. But not soon enough for Clare not to see.

**Author's note: Cliffhanger! Dun Dun Dun! Sorry, had to do. Blahh. Hope you liked it. Reviews are always welcome! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: I know. I know. It's been awhile since I've update. My excuse? Well, I'm a mother. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi**

Their eyes met for a split second before she turned and ran. He ran after her, ignoring Julia yelling something at him… probably her phone number. She was an amazingly fast runner and Eli had to work so hard to catch up to her.

He yelled her name about fifty times before she finally stopped dead in her tracks and turned to look at him. He practically ran into her. They looked at each other for a few seconds. Fear in his jade eyes, tears in her ice blue eyes.

"You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend!" She yelled, her voice cracking.

"You never asked!" He said catching his breath, then realizing that wasn't what he meant to say.

"You still could have told me! I though you were respecting me by just being my friend until I was ready for something more! You told me that the reason you hadn't brought any girls up to your dorm is because of me! Well, no it wasn't apparently! Why didn't you just tell me you had some long distance girlfriend?"

Taken aback by this outburst from such a quiet, nice girl, he was left speechless. She just stood there looking at him, waiting for a reply when he couldn't say anything. He couldn't even breath. What had just happened?

"I - I -" he began, then she turned to walk away in disgust. His arm, with a mind of it's own, flew out and grabbed her hand. "I don't have a girlfriend. She's an old friend."

"And you make out with all your friends like that?"

"Hey!" He said strongly, "She kissed me."

"You kissed her back," she pointed out, seeming less worked up, but tears still flowing.

"Not really," he shrugged, calming down. "When she kissed me, I wasn't thinking about her. She's a bitch. I wasn't thinking about anything really. But, I pulled away because I - I guess, I didn't want to be doing anything with any girls at all, unless it was, uh, well, you…"

She didn't say a word, just looked at him with those beautiful wide eyes. Then the tears came again. Stronger than he'd ever seen tears come from someone. Like they had been locked in there for her entire life.

"I'm sorry about what happened," he said, still holding her hand, "Stop crying, please."

She laughed at the request. "I can't. You know, you have made me cry twice in the past week and I'm not an emotional person. Trust me."

He couldn't help but smile a bit, "I guess I don't really know how to treat a girl."

"Maybe," she shrugged, wiping her eyes every two seconds.

"How about I walk you home?" he suggested, hoping she would accepting.

"I guess that would be fine," she answered.

On the way up to her apartment, Clare wondered why she was being so forgiving. He had made her cry twice as much as she had in the past seven years, and it's only been a little over seven days. She knew there was no way she could LOVE this guy! It was impossible.

I - M - P - O - S - S - I - B - L - E. Or was it? She asked herself over and over and over again. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe this was her whole love-at-first-sight-with-her-prince-charming-fairytale-ending. Maybe.

He walked her to the door, "Well, I guess I'll see you around then."

She hesitated, debating whether she should ask him or not. She found herself speaking before thinking, "Why don't you come in for a bit?"

"I have some studying to do," he said, looking at his watch, "but I guess I can for a bit."

"Don't worry, I have to study for an exam too," she said, opening the door and leading him in. They both made their way to the couch and sat down. She asked, "So, who was that girl anyway?"

"An old friend," he answered.

"Girlfriend?" She asked, hoping to hide the jealousy in her voice.

"Yeah, try only girlfriend," he laughed nervously.

"You've only had one girlfriend?" She asked, surprised.

"Yeah, never tried again after her. Just you know, fooled around."

"Right," she said, not surprised. "So, why was she so bad?"

"It's kind of a long story." He shrugged.

" I don't have anything better to do," she joked, looking into his forest colored eyes. She noticed a flash of nervousness and sadness go through them.

"Well, uh," he began, "I don't really know how to start. We met in the second year of high school and liked each other right off the bat. My father died from lung cancer a few months later and I really depended on her. She was my best friend through that whole year. She was always there when I needed someone to talk to, when I needed somewhere to stay when my mom got to drunk, all that. I trusted her with everything. We lost our virginity to each other. I desperately though it was going to last forever. You know? Then when I was walking my dog one night, I saw her and this senior down the street making out. It scarred me for life."

Clare gave him a hug. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know you didn't have a father. Mine died as well. I didn't know you had problems at home, either. After me being bitchy to you, you must think all girls are like that. Not every girl would hurt you like that. I promise."

"You wouldn't," he said, pulling away to look in her eyes. "You know how I know?"

"How?" she asked, confused. He was suddenly becoming such a deep person. She couldn't make sense of it.

"Because you need me as much as I need you."

Completely breathless when she heard this, she jumped back away from him, almost angry. Who did he think he was to tell her what she needed? But what scared her, what she was almost frustrated about , was that he was right. He couldn't have been more right. She needed him.

"Can I ask you a question now?" He asked.

"Yeah," she said, not even bothering to be witty. She was still getting over his statement.

"Why don't you have any pictures of family or friends around here?" He was curious.

She hesitated. Was she ready to let him into her life yet? Was he ready to know so much?

**Author's note: Okay! Sorry it was short. Hope it was worth the wait. Blah, I will try to update more often. Reviews! **


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Here's another chapter. Woot, go me! 2 updates in 2 days. That's rare for me. But, I found the time. Updates may get rare again, but I've got a bunch of crap going on. If you've read my other author's notes you know I'm a mother, so my baby boy comes first and he takes quiet a bit of my time. He's actually napping now, which is how I'm updating.. Also, my sister is 38weeks pregnant and about to pop, so we're all anxious and waiting, so that keeps me on my toes and busy.. Anyways, on to the story.. **

**Warning: This chapter contains adult situation. Mind you, I am 22 years old so sex does not bother me. If it offends you, don't read it. Don't spam my reviews complaining about it either. Okay? Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. **

She grabbed his hand and led him to the bedroom. She opened the drawer to the dresser and pulled out a framed picture of her Mom. It was her when she was still single, before she had met Tyler. She was at a restaurant, it was her birthday. She was wearing a red dress. Her smile lighted up the whole picture and her eyes were so dark. She was so beautiful. Clare loved this picture more than anything in the entire world.

"She looks just like you," Eli said, "Except your eyes are more intense and you are definitely more gorgeous."

She looked at the picture then looked up at him. She was to lost in memories to be surprised at how Eli had noticed her eyes being intense, or to laugh at him thinking she was more beautiful than her mother. It was impossible.

"What was it like for you? Your childhood?" He asked, sitting on the bed.

Without hesitation, she told him. Every little detail that she could think of. All of it, from the very beginning. She couldn't believe she was, but then it occurred to her that ever since she saw him that first day, she had always wanted to. She had always wanted him to be part of her, to know everything.

When she was done, he took her in his arms. Clare held on to him so tight, as if her life depended on it. She never wanted to let go. This was her hero; this was the one who would make everything better. She felt herself crying, for the second time that night. They sat there silently in each other's arms. She knew she loved him right then, right that very second.

"Don't cry, please," he begged, moving his head so he could look into her azure eyes. He moved a strand of hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. "I'm here for you. What happened was terrible. It wasn't your fault. I would never do that to you. And I won't allow anyone else to hurt you. Never. I promise."

She stopped crying, and with a flirty smile she said, "You couldn't do that to me, want to know why?"

"Because you would beat me up?" He joked.

"No, because I want you as much as you want me." She boldly answered.

He looked at her in astonishment like he hadn't understood what she was saying. His questioning eyes asked if she was serious and she nodded. Eli closed his eyes and kissed her softly. Clare met his lips on equal ground, desperate to forget anything and everything else but this man who held her and made her feel things she never expected to feel. This was their first kiss, her first real kiss. It was amazing. Slowly and lightly following Eli's lips. This was to good to be true she thought.

Clare removed her tee shirt, showcasing a simple red cotton bra. Eli saw this and thought it was the sexiest thing ever, well, the girl wearing it anyways. Eli then laid her down on the bed and bent over top of her to kiss her hungrily again. He pulled away long enough to strip off his clothing, reaching into his pocket of his jeans, he grabbed a condom, that he keeps with him at all times.

Naked, Eli stood before the bed, drinking in the beauty of Clare. She doing the same to him.

He returned to her mouth and her hands found his hair. She rolled several locks between her fingers.

Eli moved his hands to her back and unhooked her bra. He removed it from her, revealing her breasts. Her nipples, little buds. He kissed her forehead and whispered, "So…beautiful."

He unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down, off of her. He then hooked his thumbs in the band of her red cotton boy shorts and pulled them off of her. She just laid there, ready for anything. She trusted Eli.

When he didn't move, she could see the hesitation in his eyes, she lifted her head a bit and said, "I want you to touch me, Eli. Make love to me, please. I want your hands on me."

He couldn't take it anymore. He touched his mouth to the firm skin of her stomach, kissed her reverently there, tracing a path up to her breasts, where he closed his lips over the sweet, hot bud of her nipple and sucked until she arched up under him. Sliding one arm underneath her, he supported her while he laved and suckled her tender flesh.

When he lightly nipped her, she slowly moaned, quivering in his arms. He smiled, setting out on a journey over every inch of her body, touching everywhere, tasting all the sweetness she had to offer, until she was writhing beneath him.

Reaching over to grab the packet, he sheathed himself quickly. Levering himself over top of her, he nudged her thighs apart with his knee, laying between them. Looking deeply into her face, framing her features with his hands as he nudged his heat against hers. She clenched her hands closed.

"Open your eyes, Clare. Look at me."

She did and he felt some part of himself open, connecting with her on a deeper level than he had ever connected with anyone, any woman, before. She looked at him with such absolute trust in her eyes, such open desire, that he felt the weight of it in his soul. He lowered his lips to hers, falling into her gaze as his mouth caressed hers and he eased his hard length inside her, slowly, not wanting to hurt her.

Slowly, gently, he deepened the kiss as he sank into her. She moved against him slightly, clenching him and sighing. The pleasure was exquisite, but something even more profound than that made him determined to extend this experience as long as he possibly could.

She felt the tight tension in her body suddenly burst as she came, the strong waves of orgasm pulsing through her limbs. Needing to be closer, she clutched his shoulders.

He thrusted inside of her again, hard and deep. And he felt his own climax start building. He whispered her name as he came inside of her. His voice was still ragged with pleasure as he continued to move inside of her at an erratic pace, as if he could never stop.

She squeezed him and pulled him down to her and took his mouth with hers.

He stopped moved and lifted off of her. He disposed of the condom and laid next to her. He pulled her tightly close to him and kissed her forehead.

"Thank you." she whispered.

They lay there in silence, listening to each other breath, kissing every once in a while. That was what she wanted it to be like.

They both fell asleep in each others arms.

**Author's Note: Reviews? Please.. **


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